November

My birthday is in the fall - as is my mother's. She will be 82 this November 1st. Her winter has arrived and she hasn't any more seasons to look forward to. The Hospice nurses comfort her as well as they can but she is restless and unhappy. "Why am I still living when all the joy is gone. Why do some people slip effortlessly away and I stuggle each day in pain?"

In one of his hymns, Isaac Watts penned this poignant line: "Time, like an ever-rolling stream, bears all its sons away; they fly, forgotten, as a dream dies at the op'ning day." The significant people, times and places of the seasons of our lives come and go, leaving only memories—until time bears even those away.

I assure my mother that she will be remembered - and the memories of places she loved and the home she built for us will be passed on to grandchildren and great grandchildren.

The writer of Ecclesiastes is right: each season and purpose of life has its proper place in God's grand scheme. Sometimes we just don't understand the grand scheme.

The autumn of life

"There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—a time to give birth and a time to die . . . a time to weep and a time to laugh . . . a time to keep and a time to throw away."
(Ecclesiastes 3:1ff)

This is a beautiful fall day. The kind that recalls past years and walks in the leaves with little boys and dogs. I find myself called outside just to walk in the clear, crisp days with the color and swirl of leaves all around. The autumn of life has a similar feeling - you know it will pass quickly and you want to savor each day; to slow it down and fix the memories in your mind. Winter is coming.

Though autumn is my favorite time, I actually look forward to each season of the year and welcome the inevitable, predictable changes it will bring. I am thinking this should also be so with the seasons of life.

While I miss those past summer days of my life, autumn brings its own unique perspectives and pleasures. The pace is slower and crunching fallen leaves underfoot without the ever-pressing responsibility of rearing small children imparts a different sort of joy.

I'm content to be in autumn and do not wish to relive spring or summer. Memories of them still linger—and suffice.

October birthdays

What a beautiful day for a birthday! I have always loved October days - even the rainy ones. There is a promise of cooler mornings and crisp nights. Over the years we have had October in some very different places. Today, I am remembering a hot October 8th, a few years back, in the Arizona sun. We had purchased a house with an olive tree in the front yard and a high adobe wall around the back and moved in a few months earlier with our cats. The third bedroom was decorated in yellow checks and red gingham, my old crib painted red, a rocking chair in place, and tiny baby clothes folded in the dresser. We had passed our Lamaze class with flying colors and expectant grandma was on notice. The doctor said - don't go far! At my appointment on Monday he decided enough was enough and asked us to come to St. Joseph's hospital in downtown Phoenix, Maricopa County. At five, the next morning, my water broke - but since we were going in anyway, we didn't think to notify the doctor. The rush hour drive into town was a bit hectic. All I remember is a pillow on my lap. We arrived at our 8 am appointment. Just in time - as the baby was born at 8:20 with an intern in attendance!
We were so proud - and he was so beautiful. Pictures show how very special we felt. We knew, somehow, how much this baby would change our lives. That sounds so cliche, but it is so true! We were so ready to be parents - I look back now and think that was just because we had no idea what it entailed! Today the baby is a father - understanding more what we thought when we brought him home in that air-conditioned car to our little house in the Arizona desert. He has traveled far since then - experiencing adventures we could never have imagined. He is a kind, thoughtful, creative, and independent person - constantly surprising and teaching us with his opinions and concerns. He really did change our lives, and continues to do so. He celebrates today with his own children, in the cool morning of a Georgia fall.
When they are born, and even when they are growing, you create a vision of how your children will turn out - what they will do and think as adults. And it is such a suprise when they aren't anything like you expected. Somehow I missed the clues along the way! I thought by my sheer will power I could turn them into my vision. Looking back I am sure my parents were also thoroughly surprised at the adults we became. The surprise is what makes life interesting. This son, born on the day between his two grandfathers, began his life as a diplomat and continues to smooth and calm our lives. Happy birthday.

Weather is a great metaphor for life - sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, and there's nothing much you can do about it but carry an umbrella.
~Pepper Giardino

After the storm

The rain continues - going on nine straight days. Yesterday was the climax with 15-18 inches of rain falling.

We knew it wasn't a normal day early. I was in a class of fourth graders at 9AM, working on double digit multiplication. Every time thunder boomed or lightning flashed, anxious eyes glanced toward the window and everyone giggled nervously. "My pop-pop and gram have a lake in their backyard," shared one gangly 10 year old. "It thundered all night!" added a pretty, petite girl. The storm sounded like it was directly overhead. I was back in that classroom at 1 and the sound was the same, the children now tired from being anxious.

Georgia is familiar with thunderstorms, so this wasn't new to any of us. What was odd was that it continued, without a let up, for hours. By noon, we were calling parents whose children were scheduled to stay in the afterschool program, asking them to come and pick up their students as early as they could. At 2 we lined up car-riders and cautiously put other children on the busses. Bus drivers deserve praise for the calm way they navigated closed and flooded streets. The office was full of parents coming to pick up children, telling tales of submerged cars and impassable streets. By 4 the school was quiet.

Noon, twenty-four hours later and the sun is out, off and on. The stream behind my house has shrunk down to a reasonable size but the messiness of yesterday is evident everywhere. Children with boots are exploring the stream. I walked the woodland path and had to double back when I reached this washed out bridge. The scenes on TV show we missed the brunt of the flooding - and school is canceled because so many roads are impassable.
The kitten and I are 'working' at the computer -

Mushrooms

It's a rainy night in Georgia ... and day and night and day. We have had an unusual series of rainy days here. We can't really complain very loudly because we just emerged from a 5 year drought! However, things are feeling a little soggy.
Looking on the bright, well.. light side, it is excellent weather for mushrooms. I have never seen such a variety of shapes, sizes and colors of mushrooms. The woods are still mostly green, with the end of summer gangly look so the mushrooms provide a flash of interest. And what was plain jane yesterday is suddenly of interest because of their unusual colors and shapes.
Maybe that is a metaphor for the low spots in life ... when you have gray skys and monontus days look for the mushrooms. Maybe there are little interesting, different things around that we don't notice on rainy days. I just reorganized some photos, which brought back good memories of a summer trip and my skittish kitten is sleeping quietly on my lap (making it difficult to type!) Maybe these are my mushrooms -

Mile high sun

Of course, I can blame the fact I grew up in Colorado - a mile closer to the sun.; or the fact that sunscreen was not part of my life for the most part. Or I could say it is because of my Irish/Scot heritage. But, that doesn't help the fact that as I get older I have a tendency toward age spots and skin cancer. I think the real disquieting thing is there is nothing I can do about it. Maybe that is a realization you just have to come to - when you are young you really don't think anything will happen to your healthy body. But it does, and you really haven't any control over it. I visited my dermotologist when i noticed a spot - she sent me to the surgeon and he cut it out. He repaired the spot with stitches and a skin graft, then sent me home. But, my face is swollen and my nose bandaged for a couple of weeks. Kids at school are open and honest - "What happened?" Adults don't know what to say. I say - "I'll take all the sympathy I can get - and don't forget to wear sunscreen!" My mom says ... remember when I told you to wear zinc oxide on your nose? I'm so sorry!" The thing is ... this has happened before and it will happen again. I'm on my toes. Meanwhile, I am thinking I need one of those funny pig nose masks .... then people will understand with a laugh.

Sixty and other life changing numbers

It's September! Welcome to the new year! Since I can remember, Fall has been the beginning of my year. January seems to be in the middle of things - an interruption in the flow of the seasons, the school year and of the set routine. September, however, is a beginning - the end of the out of routine summer days .... a time to set resolutions and a time to look forward to cool mornings, new sweaters and fresh notebooks.
I'll guess that means I have to admit that I am a perpetual student. I have never gotten over the excitement of beginning a new school year. I LOVE school; the smell of chalkboards and new books, the fun of new clothes and shiny shoes. For as long as I can remember I have looked forward to going to school. For over a half century I HAVE gone off to school in September (or sometimes August) as a student, the mom of a student, or a teacher, and sometimes all three! I guess I never really grew up!
This calendar year has been a bit of a roller coaster ride - with all the things that make midlife crazy. The economy has thrown a wrench into most people's lives and teachers are no exception. Usually, our career is pretty safe: kids have to go to school no matter what the stock market is doing. However, this year, the 'recession' has caused even public services to tighten up and teachers are feeling the pinch. I had moved from a classroom teacher to a teacher of teachers - but the lack of extra funds put me back into the big pool of classroom teachers. But, the transition was bumpy as the powers that be struggled with what they needed to cut back on and what they needed to maintain their goals. I had five different jobs in July - 4th grade classroom teacher, teacher leader team, third grade teacher, second grade teacher and finally Early Intervention teacher where I provide the extra hands and ideas for students who are struggling in the primary grades. Now you know why I was looking forward to the roller coaster stopping once the children walked through the doors of the school.
Adding to the mix, my son moved into my basement with his wife, six year old son, three year old daughter, my daughter-in-law's sister and their dog! They stayed for a wonderful, fantastic, crazy three months as he began a new job in this new to them city. This very good for us experience was accompanied by my own mother's health issues, her move into hospice, and a bounce back with another move into assisted living. My mom lives 2,000 miles away - a slight inconvenience which brought me 'miles' on Delta and lots of guilt.
The familiarity of the smiling faces of children as they cruise the school halls, the reward of seeing a child 'get' knowledge and the unbeatable optimism of the teachers I work with are so welcome this September. I begin anew - with all the hope and promise a new year brings.