Resolutions

I procrastinate. I avoid doing things; then I rationalize and plan deadlines to make myself do them. Or not. And I am not sure why. Thinking back, I've done this forever, but it seems to be getting to be more of a problem. It bothers me enough that I think I would like to change.

I don't often sit and think about one thing (anything!) for any length of time, but I decided to spend some time wrestling with this. With age and experience perhaps I can be honest with myself and decide on the reasons - and get over it! 2010 - the beginning of a decade. Good time to reevaluate and get rid of annoying habits!

It bothers me that I don't call people much. I used to I am sure. I put off calling or rationalize why I am not calling.... For example, I don't call my daughter-in-law, whom I dearly love and whose ideas and thoughts are facinating and interesting to me. I don't even call her to talk over how she feels or what she and the kids are doing. I think that is because if I call and she doesn't answer - I assume it is because she doesn't want to talk to me and that makes me sad. I know she might not be home, or might have her hands tied up in cooking or sewing. She doesn't carry a phone around in her pocket all the time for heavens sake! But, I hate it when she doesn't answer - so I just don't call.
I don't call my good friend - not often. I wonder if I will disturb her when she is busy 0r, worse yet, that her husband will answer and I will have disturbed him doing something important. She says she has the same problem. So, she doesn't call me either! I am guessing I don't feel like I am important in her life.
I don't call my brother, even though I live 1400 miles away and he lives down the street from our mother who has been quite ill this year. He doesn't call me either - which drives me crazy since I want updates on how she is doing. But, because he lives so close, he is the one who handles the day to day ups and downs - and I assume he hasn't a lot of energy to talk with me. I feel sad because I can't do more for him and for her - and guilty, even though it was 40 years ago when circumstances arose that destined me to live far away. If I call him - I am asking him to do something for me. And I don't feel like I am worth that to him. How can I do that when he does so much for her. I do feel it would be better for both of us to share this burden but - I am guessing he is frustrated with the fact I can't. I don't blame him for being angry with me.

There are other people I don't call - because I am not patient enough to have a long conversation or think I have other things I have to do. But, then I am sad because I don't have too many close friends. Close friends need to communicate.
So, I resolve to try to overcome this putting off, this avoidance, and deal with this feeling of inadequacy. But.... how?

Snow day!

Our new year arrived with a dusting of snow - not that unusual except this is the deep South where snow is a blessed and rare event! Snow days are much anticipated, yet dreaded, because of our inexperience with icy roads and shivery winds. The school kids (some teachers too) slept with their pajamas inside out, put a spoon under their pillows and ice cubes down the toilet to make sure it snowed. Their wishes were granted and school was cancelled. Georgians doned their too thin jackets and searched for gloves, then raced outside to play before it disappeared! A little variety is good for the soul!